Down In The Dumps

Mama Monkmee is down in the dumps. I hate feeling this way and I hate whinning here on my blog but sometimes you just gotta get it out. Joel's been gone since Aug 15th, I havebn't talked to him since Aug 20th. He's sent me letters and is doing ok but it sucks not being ablle to hear his voice. I started cleaning the house I got the kitchen and dinningroom almost finished and avent done anything else. I've been dealing with major head aches. I'm trying to get kids into a routin. Alex is in school all day and Eian starts Tuesday for 3 hours a day. Joel's 1st check didnt come in like the recruiter said it would. I didnt figure it would but dang if everybody decides to call and tell me they are cancelling stuff this week. 1st my cell phone, luckily I had the money for that, then today it was the internet. So I had to borrow money from mama which I hate doing. Ugh.Even a letter from Joel today didnt cheer me up. I know whats wrong mt depressed and anxiety is hitting full force and the zoloft isnt cutting it. But I dont wanna have to fight Will to get him to take a bottle of formula. I'm gonna have to just break down and face it i'm just gonna have to do that and go back on my prozac. I know I went in this breastfeeding knowing it would happen. When I was pregnant I told myself if I can bf him 6 weeks before I have to go back on my meds then I will have done my part. Here it is almost 5 months and I know I gave him a great start but for some reason I keep kicking myself everytime I even think about stopping so I can get my meds. Makes me feel so selfish. Crazy right, well I am. LOL. I got all the letters packed up with pix of us and drawings Alex made for daddy I just need to mail it. I also need to call Tricare and get our plan picked. I need to fisnih cleaning. I need to get a few reviews up. I just cant get motivated to do anything. I hate feeling like this.

Ok now back to your normal Mama Monkmee Post :)
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