Thursday, September 2, 2010

Down In The Dumps

Mama Monkmee is down in the dumps. I hate feeling this way and I hate whinning here on my blog but sometimes you just gotta get it out. Joel's been gone since Aug 15th, I havebn't talked to him since Aug 20th. He's sent me letters and is doing ok but it sucks not being ablle to hear his voice. I started cleaning the house I got the kitchen and dinningroom almost finished and avent done anything else. I've been dealing with major head aches. I'm trying to get kids into a routin. Alex is in school all day and Eian starts Tuesday for 3 hours a day. Joel's 1st check didnt come in like the recruiter said it would. I didnt figure it would but dang if everybody decides to call and tell me they are cancelling stuff this week. 1st my cell phone, luckily I had the money for that, then today it was the internet. So I had to borrow money from mama which I hate doing. Ugh.Even a letter from Joel today didnt cheer me up. I know whats wrong mt depressed and anxiety is hitting full force and the zoloft isnt cutting it. But I dont wanna have to fight Will to get him to take a bottle of formula. I'm gonna have to just break down and face it i'm just gonna have to do that and go back on my prozac. I know I went in this breastfeeding knowing it would happen. When I was pregnant I told myself if I can bf him 6 weeks before I have to go back on my meds then I will have done my part. Here it is almost 5 months and I know I gave him a great start but for some reason I keep kicking myself everytime I even think about stopping so I can get my meds. Makes me feel so selfish. Crazy right, well I am. LOL. I got all the letters packed up with pix of us and drawings Alex made for daddy I just need to mail it. I also need to call Tricare and get our plan picked. I need to fisnih cleaning. I need to get a few reviews up. I just cant get motivated to do anything. I hate feeling like this.

Ok now back to your normal Mama Monkmee Post :)
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Bree said...

You aren't being selfish, just real and honest...taking care of yourself will benefit your children's heart and life...I guess you just determine the trade off! Hang in there!

Dawn said...